Sunday, December 13, 2015

FEELING SORRY FOR ONESELF!

The world sure looks different under 6 inches of snow.  Not that it looked bad before, but gosh there is nothing prettier than fresh white snow, and trees, fences and even little coach lights hanging from the garage topped with a dollop of snow.

Some were thinking we would have a brown Christmas -I was hoping that we would not.  I love snow and to me this is what it should look like at Christmas time in Manitoba.



 If you don't love snow in December, then what in the heck are you doing living here?  Right?

Right!

The snow has helped brighten me up, but there is a dark spot in my heart this Christmas.  It will be the first year that we will not be celebrating Christmas with our son.

I grew up in a family where elder siblings lived far away and couldn't always come home for Christmas.  I knew how it affected my Mom the years that it turned out that way - but I was a kid and her sorrow never lingered overly long in my mind at this time of year.

Now, I know how she felt, and I wish I could tell her how selfish I was back then.  She wouldn't have agreed with me at all - but just the same that is how I feel.

We are only three hours away from our son - but it might as well be 30 hours away.  We are tied down with an old blind dog who cannot travel, and even if there was a place to board her - I wouldn't do that to her at this stage of her life.  Perhaps I shouldn't call it being tied down - we are her caregivers and she has reached the stage in her life where she requires 24 hr care.  There will be a day when we won't have her with us, but for now we do, so we have to honour our commitment to her, even if it means limiting our travelling away from home for more than four hours at a time.

My son doesn't drive, and his partner doesn't want to drive in case there is a storm and she can't get back to work following the holidays.  All perfectly understandable - if I wasn't a Mom!

We have decorated inside and out - but that means very little without family to share it.  I am thankful I have my spouse - there are mothers out there that don't have their children near by and their spouse has passed on... I am much luckier than them, but still I have the nerve to feel sorry for myself.

What does she expect, you say to yourself - They are the ones that decided to move out to the country.

All true, and yes there are times when we feel the sacrifice of that as well - but only where our son is concerned.  We wish he was closer, he wishes the same.

I guess the thing we have to remember, that this is just the first year.  We won't always have the beloved commitment we have now, and maybe next year we will all have become more accustomed to being apart.

But today - right now - it's not happening.

I am thankful we live in a world of skype, facetime and texting.  It makes it so much easier to connect with our loved ones... and so this is the way we will be together this year.  We will Skype Christmas morning - we can even open our gifts together, we can see one another, we can talk, we can laugh, we can share our day.

For now - this will have to do.

And the Mother that I am - will just have to deal with it!

1 comment:

  1. As we have aged and the younger generation have spread their wings and expanded their own family circles, our Christmas gatherings have changed, too . It is no loner possible to have everyone together in one place at one time. It means we do a lot of driving in many directions over the next two weeks. It is not ideal in my mind but I won't give up the time with each part of the family. The chaos will begin tomorrow with the arrival of the South Carolinians and roll right through New Year's weekend with our Eastern Shore wing of the family. We will miss the gathering with my cousins this year and that upsets me but would involve rushing through one party to race across the State to another where we would just catch the last hour or so and would involve driving about 350 miles in one afternoon! One niece will be missing on Christmas Day as she is a "grownup" now with a job that doesn't allow her to make it back home. It seems the celebrations evolve a bit more each year and we do need to roll with it. I, like you, am lucky to still have a spouse by my side through it all. The last few years have made me fully appreciate that but I admit to shedding a few tears along the way as the traditions fall off one by one. - Sue

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