It's a gloomy almost raining day here in Western Manitoba today! It's been cool, we have had some snow showers in the past week - thankfully it has melted on contact - we have a few sunny days, and now we are back to gloom.
I guess my mood reflects the weather.
I have been so busy working at the sewing machine for the past couple of weeks, and still have a long way to go until I can move on to something else, but that activity has given me endless me time - thinking time, mulling over time.
Maybe not such a good thing.
We just spent Thanksgiving with our son in Winnipeg, and I just celebrated my 61st birthday. Neither a major hurdle in life, but a few things stuck out at me this past weekend, which really are bugging me.
I heard from over 90 friends and relatives on Facebook alone - not one of them being my 4 brothers. I got cards, calls, and face to face birthday wishes - not one of them from my 4 brothers.
According to my youngest brother - who refuses to speak to me for reasons only he knows and understands - I just charm people into being my friends - according to him they are not really my friends!
No - I guess they are not. Some are cousins, some were co-workers, some are family members of long-time friends, some are people I sang with in the choir at church, some are clergy I have known over the years. Some are nieces, some are nephews. Some are great nieces, some are great nephews. Some are second cousins. Some are new people I have met in my new community, some are friends of my husband- and some are people I have met on my travels through cyber space for over 13 years!
Sadly - they are not my brothers.
I trouble myself almost daily as to why that is. It wasn't always this way.
There was a time that I was close with each and every one of my brothers. Back when I was conditioned and content to listen to advice on how to live, where to live, who to live with... back when I listened to advice on family, how to raise children, how to work, how to make money, how to buy a house... how to think, how to be!
It took me 59 years to speak up and stand up for myself - and now...
Well I guess this post goes nowhere from here -
Except to say that each and every person who has touched my life past and present - has a place in my heart... my 4 brothers included. It's who I am. I do collect people and I seldom really let go. I don't "House Clean" the chambers of my heart, I try not to "Spring Clean" my friends, or family.
But I'll tell you one thing - hearing from so many people last week who took the time to say hi and wish me well, filled my heart with gratitude for the friends and family who DO communicate with me.
I am Blessed - Truly Blessed!
Thank You all - from the bottom of my heart!