I can't tell you how happy I am to be writing my blog again. I have not written much, if anything in so long, that I forgot what pleasure it brings me to just sit and write.
Writing is a solitary activity, and for me it does not always happen when I am sitting in front of the computer. In fact usually long before that happens, I have already written whatever I am going to type in my head - or the majority of it anyway.
That part is the real curse. Having stories and ideas chasing each other around in your head all the time when you are supposed to be concentrating on something else entirely can be so frustrating. Rarely do really great ideas for a story happen at a convenient time. I loose track of time, I loose whole parts of conversations because I am thinking about something that I want to write. I have composed whole poems on a short walk from one hospital to another at my work... well not lately - but definitely in the past.
I have only been back to writing on here for a little over a week, and already I am thinking about my future. I have four novels written, one was published a few years ago but the publishing contract is now over. These novels sit on a shelf in my craft room in big brown envelopes, and I completely forget about them until I am cleaning in that room. The most I have done on any of those stories in the past ten years is move them from one pile to another. I have several others started and in various stages of completion - I am not even sure where these ones are at the moment.
I had a long conversation with my eldest brother a few weeks ago, and I was whining to him about how much I really want to retire, but how I actually feared not going out to work every morning. Strange isn't it - I don't want to go out to work every morning, but I am fearful of not going out to work every morning. Am I alone in this? For 40 years this has been my norm - I don't know anything else, so I guess it is understandable.
My brother is seldom warm and fuzzy - he tells it like he sees it, and he pretty much told me to get over myself and take a plunge. He softened it somewhat by saying how much talent I possessed, and what a great opportunity I could make for myself if I used my talents and abilities and did something for myself for a change, instead of working so hard and futilely for someone else.
That was nice -
I have been thinking. I have been asking for a sign, I have been praying, and maybe the answer is right in front of me.... Maybe it starts right here somehow. Maybe the answer is linked to my decision to start back writing my daily blog after being dormant for so long.
Sounds like a lot of maybes to me, but two weeks ago those maybes were nowhere in my thoughts. Maybe that is progress...
Talk to you next week....