Please bear with me today - I am somewhat of a bear myself today. Why?
Today it is a year since I lost my job due to out-sourcing. It is not so much the loss of the job that sticks in my mind today - but rather the way I was escorted out of my office and workplace like a common criminal. That and the fact that I was not only escorted out the door, down the elevator - but I was actually escorted right out the building and made to stand outside in -40 weather and wait for my ride, all the while crying my fools head off and wondering - now what?
The Now What - revealed itself in time, but the anger though faded, has never really been replaced with anything near to contentment, peace, or even moderate joy.
Yes I did take 4 months off to "rest and re-group" - but that is hard to accomplish when in the back of one's mind the thought is... I am almost 60 yrs of age - who will hire me? What other than medical billing am I qualified to do? I was employed at one place for 17 yrs - can I even come close to making the salary I had worked myself up to getting? How many weeks vacation would I have to start at in a new job? I had 5 weeks in the job I just left - was close to getting 6 weeks. At my age vacation time is a very big deal!
Well someone did hire me at nearly 60 yrs of age, and it was for a medical billing position. I didn't know then it was in sheer desperation to put someone in a position that had suddenly become vacant due to a long-term employee leaving suddenly. I did not know it was to constantly be demanded to put out fires created by that employee leaving, and I did not know it was with the expectation that I also endure managerial abuse by the person who hired me.
Yes, I did start at the bottom of the vacation ladder, and now also at the very bottom of the seniority ladder. No, I would not be making near the same salary I had been making, and yes I was nearing 60 yrs of age as time went on.
As I always do - I stuck it out - I really had no other choice. I have now been employed for 8 months. I have suffered much in this position. I have been lied to, yelled at - I have had a fist swung at me several times. I have been accused of being "unprofessional, disrespectful, accusatory and borderline insubordinate"... but my words were always good enough to plagiarize in emails to upper management, and my resolutions always appeared to somehow been created by others who were not me.
The final insult came when I was told that I hated people, and that I meant nothing to anyone in my workplace, most especially my boss.
I'm still at the job - the boss has vacated. I can't say I am sorry, but on day like today with an Anniversary such as it is - well it really causes some serious reflection to occur.
I sincerely hope and pray the next year will bring more happiness than the last one has, because like I told my ex-co-worker and dear friend today (she also was let go that day). If it doesn't get better, I just might find me a hovel in a bush somewhere, black out my front teeth, build me a fire, and squat...